When cis people use identifying as a cat to justify transphobia, and denying it

You may have heard of the common argument against trans people or how they like to portray it “catgendering”. A post I found on Reddit sums up the transphobia (denial of such). Here’s the original post:

”I know people are going to think I'm either trolling or baiting but please read before you comment + this post has nothing to do with gender or trans issues and I am in no way intending to be offensive or anything.

So Gf and I have been together for nearly 8 months, and she's always been a very quirky and nerdy person: does cosplays, very into anime and roleplaying, etc... Nothing too weird. We've been kinda distant lately with everything going on and me being an essential worker so haven't seen eachother and only talk for half an hour a day. Well, last tuesday we got to hang out at her place and she wore cat ears a and a belt with a tail the entire time. At first I thought it was either going to be a sex surprise or her testing a new cosplay, but nope, she sat me down, asked me if I really do love her, then hit me with a very long monologue that essentially summed up to "I'm a cat in a human body". Wish I was joking.

I thought I misunderstood and then believed that maybe it was a weird joke but she kept being serious about it, and doubling down. I left shortly after because I had a shift at work, and I still believed it was an oddly drawn out joke nothing more. She ended up texting me with resources to help me understand, which is when I realized that she really is serious. Apparently she believes she is an otherkin: a person who holds the belief that they are not human. She says she was introduced to this by one of her friends months ago and has since joined discords and communities of others like her. Her friend believes he is a demon trapped in a human body, and she sent me a testimonial that was supposed to be touching but its basically just about a dude thinking he is naruto. I'm not joking. She explained her otherkin type as being a cat, and now she 100% thinks she is a cat. How did she know she was a cat you ask? According to her: sleeping a lot, liking the sun, hating water, feeling more comfortable crawling on all fours, and claiming to understand what cats are saying and being able to talk to them through meowing. She has also apparently been distant with nearly everybody we know IRL as I got multiple messages asking me to let her know to be in touch with them.

My head has been spiraling this past week, I keep thinking its a joke but nope she is deathly serious about this and has handed in her two weeks resignation at her job because cats don't work. Again, I wish I was joking. I've been limiting my interactions with her ever since, because this is hurting my head a whole lot and I just can't cope. She has also surrounded herself with a large amount of yes men and women who support her 100% and are enabling this, some even encouraging her to make a patreon and make otherkin content that they would contribute to, which she brought up when I asked her about quitting her job. To make things worse, I can't discuss this with anyone in real life because I know how crazy it sounds and I know that leaving her is a valid option but I'm in love with this woman and now I don't recognize her and I know that there is something very very wrong and I can't reach out to her and she refuses to hear anything from me unless it is unconditional support. What the fuck do i do ?

EDIT: Just got off work and was very surprised with the amount of comments, I honestly just expected a bunch calling me crazy. I'm reading through them now and I want to say thank you to everybody who took the time out of their day to give me advice, I truly appreciate it. To address some things:

- Her and I have been friends for 2+ years prior to dating, so that is why I am reluctant to just up and leave.

- I've read a comment asking if she has a history of mental illness, and not to my knowledge? Aside from her being diagnosed with mild social anxiety in high school. I am going to try and reach out to her mom to get her to check up on her, and maybe even visit. They have a good relationship, so maybe that will help.

- Yesterday was the first time I truly confronted what was going on, as I have been kind of shelving it and just praying and hoping it was some kind of drawn out joke. But now that I've had time to truly ponder it, I think it has been a long time coming. She's been buying a lot of cat memorabilia and a lot of her cosplays are cat related, and when I brought up the possibility of me getting a cat in the near future she made a joke about being too territorial for a cat, and now that I think about it...well, yeah.

-I don't know who demon man really is, all I know is that he has been part of her virtual Dnd group since last year. Also so far no litterbox in the picture, sorry to disappoint/relieve some of you. When I asked her about her plans as a "cat" other than quitting her job, she had sent me her to do list which I didn't bother opening or reading until yesterday because I was too busy wishing all of this was a fever dream. The To do list includes purchasing a scratch post for her nails, switching to an carnivore diet, and dying her hair red because she is a ginger cat. Yup.

-As much as it hurts, I have no intention to continue to be in a romantic relationship with her because she will absolutely not hear anything if it's not 100% support. I love her, but I love myself and I don't want to be dragged down to something like this especially when it feels like I'm talking to a brick wall. I will however try to remain in contact with her just to make sure she's not spiraling towards a mental break. I will visit her today to have a talk and officially break it off even though she's been refusing to see me unless I am completely on board, I will update if anything interesting happens. Then I will buy a couple of bottles of alcohol and down them in my flat, no judgement.

-I've really enjoyed the cat puns, and apparently I need to google who Maureen is.

Tl;dr: gf now thinks she is an otherkin, a cat in a human's body and refuses to see anything wrong with the situation. The echo chamber she is now has done nothing but enable her and I don't know what to do.”

You can absolutely tell this guy went his way to make that shit up and portray his supposed girlfriend as mentally ill. What makes matters worse is the comments supported his transphobia and encouraged abusing her in order for her to “think good”:

”Cats don't really communicate with each other through meows, though. Those are mostly for humans.. I don’t think she did any research on this.”

”Wait if that’s how she communicates with cats.....That would mean dundundun she’s a human!!! OP let her know immediately!!”

”Yeah that's too far crazy for me. The way I see it, you'll eventually become her "human" who pays for all her shit as she doesn't have a job”

”he should get a real cat and ignore her”

”I'm really sorry for you.

I did some research on otherkin and I think that your GF has slipped into a culture that only exists on the internet.

I would ask her how she thinks she will support herself as a cat?

She quit her job. Now what? Not much work available if you have chosen to go to far out there.

If I were in your shoes, I would slowly distance myself from her. Let her sleep in the sun and lick her paws but don't start paying her bills.

If she does not wake up soon, I would continue to remove myself from her delusion. Eventually, you are out of the picture. I know that you care for her, but you should never be responsible for her. She has chosen to do this.

My own philosophy is that you should let people live their lives as they want ( as long as it's not harming anyone else) but in this case I don't think you need to be there and watch this.

Otherwise just tell her your a dog and don't get along with cats”

”Yeah, I unfortunately agree. I don’t know what else to suggest — enabling this delusion isn’t right. I’m all for subcultures and how people want to express themselves, but this seems like a step in an unhealthy direction. I mean, lets say she quits being a cat — are you going to be able to personally let that go? Can you move past this?

I probably couldn’t. I think I’d be worried about my future — whether there would be similar concerns in marriage or creating a family. I’m not sure.

Remember that video that went around: “on all levels except physical, I am a wolf” ?“

”DO NOT PAY HER BILLS. If you are paying now***, STOP.***

The second she sees that this isn't a sustainable lifestyle, she will be forced to find a balance. She might still think she's a cat, but she might realize she needs to at least pretend to be human some of the time in order to live.

Unfortunately, this is a sign of a MUCH bigger issue that is going to take a long, long time for her to address if she ever does. S unless you want a relationship where you need to basically be the only sane and secure person and constantly battle her for normalcy....that you need to peace out now.

I highly suggest you keep going down the otherkin rabbit hole to get a good look at what kind of lifestyle she wants and the type of people it attracts. Most people are victims and have deep, deep insecurities with themselves. They aren't bad people, but they attach themselves to the otherkin mentality because it makes them feel like they finally have control over something - a hidden identity that no one can take away from them. It's a black hole that puts people on a path that leads them away further away from healing whatever wound they have that had brought them to this particular community.

Let me be clear - there is nothing wrong with role playing and there is nothing wrong with devoting yourself to a community - in fact, for a lot of people that can help them in a very weird, scary time of their lives. But there is a very clear line between functioning and completely dysfunctional. Quitting your job because 'cats don't work' has crossed the dang line. Unless she is smoking hot and willing to be a freaky kitty online, she's not going to go very far with patreon, but my concern is others will pressure her into doing things she otherwise wouldn't be comfortable with in this time of crisis.

Unfortunately...she might be too far gone and it will be up to her to pull herself out of this period of her life.

But for the love of God, do not start paying for her anything.”

”I don't date cats. Have a nice life.”

”Cook a nice dinner for a date night. Make yourself a plate and bring her a bowl of cat food. this will put her in a situation where she either has to piss fuck off or get real, good thinking”

”Oh man I'd love to see that reaction”

”This is fucking brilliant. Put a litter box in the bathroom while you're at it. Cats don’t need privacy. They don’t need toilet paper either”

”Exactly. Treat her like a parent treats a child "Cats don't get cake for dessert now do they?””

”This is mean but hilarious. He should probably ask a therapist to see if this would make things worse, but omg. I kinda hope he tries this first”

That post and their comments gave me the ick. This man was willing to want to abuse his girlfriend by treating her the same way he would treat an animal. I also wouldn’t be surprised if he was cruel to animals if he has any pets. He was willing to bully his own partner for wanting to fit in with a certain community. Most likely, he made most of that shit up and refuses to accept the more complex take on their relationship.

Overall, I find it sad. I feel awful for the young lady who has to deal with his shit, constantly villainizing her and making himself out to be a victim. In reality, he is nothing but a transphobic who is unwilling to accept or listen to his partner’s perspective.

We all know what is happening regarding the treatment towards trans, non-binary, and agender individuals. And it’s scary. Undermining their rights as a “delusion” is nothing but discrimination and dehumanization. And it needs to stop.