Tears at Night

I feel burdened and overwhelmed, I mean I am just tired of the work. Being a woman hasn’t been the easiest or prettiest at the moment, I am a house cleaner, washing machine, dish washer, chef, teacher, gardener, farmer, therapist, wife, lover, daughter, mother, student, mentor………………………………………..and more.

However, I am writing this piece to those who have been bearing all that load and have an additional emotional and mental breakdown of loss/ grief.

 *Tears at Night.* 

Do they know when you get in bed and say goodnight you don’t sleep?

Do they see the tears that overwhelm you when the lights have been switched off?

Do they hear your silent wails as they snore and groan at night?

Have you told them how many times you have screamed on your pillow?

Have you told them how much your hearts break and how you struggle to find sleep?

Have you told them how you smile but cry inside during the day?

Wait, are you sure they don’t hear your occasional sigh and sniffles?

Wait, maybe they see your slumped shoulders and struggled breathing?

Wait, I think they know about your nightmares and self-harm?

Should your blankets tell them about the pain you bear?

Should your pillow write about the nights you have spent awake?

Should your bathroom tell them about how its not water that slides down your face as you bath?

Is it ok to share the pain, heartbreak and sadness you feel?

Is it ok to give that pain a voice and seek help?

Is it ok to tell them you have contemplated ending your life?

Will they understand?

Will they support me as I talk about self-harm and thoughts of suicide?

Will they not pass judgement or gossip about it behind my back as they did before?

Its ok, I understand, I have experienced the above and more. Its not easy being expected to smile and be happy every day.

Don’t worry God loves you and I pray for you every day.

I PRAY FOR HEALING, FOR RENRWAL AND MOSTLY THAT YOU FIND PEACE.

Read Psalm 9:9, Psalm 18:2 more verse are available below { https://www.hoffmanfuneralhomes.com/bible-verses-for-grief }

Written byTadiwanashe Burukai-Matutu

Freelance writer for KhulumaAfrika and NANGO

Twitter: @womandlaorg