She Used Toilet Paper, Missed School, and Sewed Cloth In The Night

She said her mother died while giving birth to her. She had only known life with her father. He loved her with no bounds and cherished her daily. She lacked nothing. Yet when womanhood knocked on her door at 12 years old, she couldn’t turn to her father. So she withdrew herself from him and kept her distance.

She used toilet paper month after month, layered between two pieces of underwear for extra protection. All she did was pray she never got found out because, in her mind, her father would look at her differently once he knew that she was having her period. She dreaded the look of disgust she had seen the boys at school give girls who would bleed over onto their uniforms. Her father was all she had, so she protected that relationship the only way she knew how to.

She said she went to bed one night excited about coming to school, only for her to wake up feeling a wetness between her legs. In a panic, she ran to the bathroom, and she realised her period had started. She knocked on her mother's door, who walked out of her room dazed with sleep and wondering why her daughter was wrapped up in a chitenge with tears in her eyes. She showed her the red patch on her nightdress, her mother smiled before sorrow filled her eyes.

It was that day she learnt that her father refused to spend money on sanitary wear for any of the women in his house, including her mother. To him, it was a waste of money. He felt it was better to spend that money on food and alcohol instead. Her mother was a housewife and couldn’t afford to help herself or her children. So this meant that when her period came, she would miss school until it was over. She would spend those days closed up in her room. Her heart broke.

She said she was the daughter of a single mother who worked so hard to put food on the table for her children and make sure their school fees were paid on time. She wanted better for her children, so she focused her efforts on exactly that. At 14, her period came, and she watched her mother trying to rework her budget under the candlelight. What seemed like a small expense to her would, unfortunately, change so much in her mother’s monthly budget.

The following morning, her mother stood at her bedroom door with a plastic bag. Inside, there were thick pieces of cloth sewn together. She had spent all night sewing them from the old clothes that sat in their house. She promised her it was temporary and change would eventually come.

These are not isolated stories. They are the same story, told in different homes, in different countries, across different generations. These are stories that have stayed with me for years because each one paints a colourful, yet saddening picture. These stories will continue to repeat themselves if we are silent.

Many of us were taught to hide our periods from men and boys for different reasons. Some of us were told it was sacred and should remain a thing known to women only. While some were told it was taboo for men to know of or see a woman’s period.

But now I understand that to our mothers and grandmothers, it was a form of protection. History tells us that once a young girl saw her period, it meant she was eligible for marriage. It opened the door for her to be sold to the highest bidder and start a life as a wife and mother, too. On the scarier end, it also meant that men and boys saw the opportunity to sleep with her because she was considered ripe.

Yet the sign for one being ripe was also described as dirty. A woman who was on her period wasn’t allowed to share the bed with her husband, nor was she allowed to set foot in the church because she was unclean. A narrative that has been passed down for centuries. The narrative that resulted in that little girl not telling her father that she had seen her period. She lived in fear of becoming a disgust to her own father, the only parent she had.

Menstruation is complex and does not show up the same for every woman. And unfortunately, even in school, this is not explained. Menstruation comes with cramps, PMDD, headaches, heartburn, constipation or diarrhoea. But the books simply say girls and women will bleed for a few days, and it will be done. True, but also inaccurate.

It is this inaccurate information that has led us to the point where we have to prove what menstruation looks or feels like to men. Every time I see the TikTok videos of men wearing the cramp machine, I am angered. Why did it take a machine to convince men that the cramps are real? Why did they have to “experience” it first before believing that we haven’t been crying wolf?

The poor education that surrounds menstruation is also the reason why we have stories of men choosing to spend money on food and alcohol instead of sanitary wear for the women they claim to love. It is also the reason women are still buying sanitary wear instead of it being available for free. Let’s not forget that it is also the reason why the same sanitary wear was designed and tested with liquids that aren’t the consistency of blood.

The world has let us down on multiple fronts as women. From the language used around menstruation to the poverty that still exists around the world. From the misinformation to the dismissal of our pain. This story is ours to change, so day after day, we will fight against it all through stories, advocacy, and policy changes.

To us! Happy Menstrual Hygiene Day.