These days , as I have returned to the place where I was born , I am feeling extremely empty . I see other people excited to meet their parents and siblings back home , whilst here I am feeling alienated as ever .
I don't know whether it is seasonal depression, joblessness or me being queer in the homophobic country .
I simply do not want to exist . It is like I will never be able to live the life I want to live .
I wish I wasn't queer, maybe I wouldn't be suffering so much . Or if pressure of marraige wasn't on me , I wouldn't be feeling defeated the way I do .
It seems there is no way out of this despair .
This is eating my soul day by day and there is no way I can comfort myself. Even my favorite shows and food does not distract or ease my pain .
